I'm not gonna say that I'm trying something new. It's more like taking another path to get to the same place.
I've always been big, for as long as I can remember. There are faint memories crafted into my mind
through pictures and stories told by my family. Times when I was apparently a small agile girl.
Thin, adorable and remembered. After the change, I remember always destroying any
picture of myself that I could get my hands on. There are few still remaining,
but I just avoid them like the plague. There was a time a few years ago,
when I had reached a goal weight that I was proud of. I had achieved
it with diet and exercise. It was a long, grueling six months, but
was well worth it in the end. I was noticed, attractive
to more guys (cuter ones). But shortly after,
I began to start hating food. It started
by first being disgusted by seeing
other people eat, Listening to the
sloshing, sucking, gurgling sounds.
Seeing their tongues squirming around, the
spit sticking to their food. So I started eating alone.
I then began to hate eating all together. I couldn't stand how my
hands were always putting something in my mouth. I hated the echoing
sound in my ears of my teeth clashing over food. My tongue wandering for scraps.
It was disgusting, a winner-takes-all war between gluttonous beasts. The gorge-fest wasn't
worth the investment of my life. I gave up. I didn't want that to be a part of my life. I wanted to
find out how the other half did. I wanted to be like them. Happy like them. Beautiful... like them. So this
is where I begin. I haven't been at this that long, but my journey has only just begun. I do not have a scale
in my house, so 155 is what I was last weighed at 2 months ago. But when I see a significant difference in
myself, I will make a point to find out where I am at.
~*~
"Thanks for coming along this journey with me, I hope it will be an enjoyable ride."
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